adventures in elementary polychromatism

I've been meaning to post about our Christmas holiday since, well, Christmas, but either I was busy holiday-ing or working or recovering from one of those! We did have a very nice holiday. We didn't end up going to UU service on Christmas Eve because we got distracted by our cookie-baking adventure. We're both pretty terrible bakers, but decided we were going to try a sugar cookie recipe from YouTube. It took quite a long time, and Jeffrey's arms were falling off from all the stirring and rolling (my stand mixer is in a storage unit 1500 miles away, a story for another day) but they turned out very well. All except for the icing, which was a hack job. We made such a mess that one of the cookies just says, in sloppy script, "We Tried." Still, they were delicious.

On Christmas Day, we exchanged gifts in the morning. I got him a Harvard University hoodie, a pretend doctor kit and a little stuffed dog wearing scrubs. (He's hoping to go to medical school after he finishes his bachelor's--a dream sort-of long deferred, similar to mine--so it was all related to that. He's not planning on Harvard, but that's what we say when we're cheering him on.) He got me a mermaid tail blanket and a framed photo collage of pictures of us and some of my favorite kind of socks. Yay! He then spent most of the day cooking. He made prime rib for the first time, and despite being very nervous about the whole process, did a magnificent job. Prime rib, mashed potatoes and roasted Brussels sprouts. It was delicious and we ended the evening watching Hulu, my other present to us, since we don't have cable or access to network TV and our library doesn't have most of the things we want to watch OR there's a 100-person waiting list for each thing.

The rest of the week was pretty ordinary. I registered for a fourth class for the spring term, and continue to grow more excited about the three I already have. Turning that over in my head led me to accept that the MA in English is what I really want (though the doctorate is the Dream) and that it's not Impossible, especially here, and that I should consider trying for it. If I don't make it, I still have the MEd program on deck. I'm also exploring options for online teaching. It's become obvious that full-time classroom work is not a great option for me because of my health, and the last thing I want is to have to leave my students in the lurch to go on disability leave (again--that has happened to me before). I'd be happier and safer working from home. I've avoided considering online teaching as a possibility mostly because I'm unfamiliar with it and scared to fail. But I want to teach, and right now classroom life, especially in southern Arizona where our high schools are sprawling, open-air campuses, isn't really doable. I'm also considering the possibility of doing some freelance proofreading. My journal is sometimes full of errors, but I can be professional when necessary! (And I have done professional editorial work before, in addition to tutoring/revising/proofing academic papers for college and graduate students For Pay,) Again, I avoided freelancing because it was intimidating and confusing. Anything is, when you only devote fifteen minutes to learning about it, ostensibly to prove to yourself that it's impossible and not worth attempting...

Lastly, I got in to see my ophthalmologist yesterday to see about the pain, headaches and new floaters. She didn't really pay attention to anything I said or read the notes and didn't mention anything unusual in the exam. The giant freckle in the back of my left eye is unchanged, though I didn't expect it to change. (It never has.) I do, however, need a new prescription, so maybe that will alleviate the headaches and pain? And I suppose the floaters are just...part of getting older? My dad, whose vision problems have been the model for mine, didn't get his first ones until a few years ago and he is 76. I guess I'm on the accelerated track! Oh, well. At least there was nothing hugely alarming, and I get to get new frames, finally. Mine are all pretty beat-up, but I've been holding off until an exam. I usually buy my glasses online because I can't afford hundreds of dollars at a brick-and-mortar. I find they fit well enough and last long enough to satisfy me. I'm pretty hard on them, so I'd rather spend, say, $60US on a pair that I step on than $300--neither one is going to survive that, no matter what Lenscrafters tells you. I found a pair of sparkly, pink, acrylic cat-eyes that I love, so once I get my prescription, I'll get them for myself. Yay!

One of my favorite things has to be when I see reviews of English professors online where students whine about being expected to read...in 200-level literature courses. I've taught high school English here, so I know that many of the students we send on to college are totally unprepared for any level of collegiate-level reading (I had seniors complain to me about having to read short stories more than half a page in length and legitimately lack the stamina to do so when their mewling came to nothing, never having been expected to read anything remotely rigorous in their lives), but it's still staggering how vehement and offended these kids are. They cannot believe the nerve of these professors, expecting them to do HOURS of reading in an AMERICAN LITERATURE class. And not just some of the reading--you have to do all of it and then write papers using legitimate citations that demonstrate you not only read, but understood the texts and can apply analytical concepts to them?!? This is probably why so many instructors use Norton anthologies here, which I cannot stand. But if you can't reasonably expect your students to read a novel in its entirety, why not?

Anyway, I'm taking three English courses through the community colleges near me in the spring because this Brush with my Mortality has motivated me to pursue graduate English, something I've avoided since before I even completed my bachelor's. I have a master's, but it's in teaching. I was always scared that I'd wash out, be intimidated, etc. in a graduate program, so I refused to try. (There's something in there about the personality disorder that I now work very hard on with a very persistent and patient therapist, but that's for another day.) But fear of death without doing something I truly, madly, deeply love has galvanized me. (None of the possible explanations for my issues thus far has actually been a terminal one, but I always get scared of the worst possible outcomes because, you know, catastrophizing.) I'm very excited about one of them because it's a Gothic Lit class and the professor has Angela Carter's The Bloody Chamber and CARMILLA on the list. And the actual comics for The Crow. And Radcliffe's Sicilian Romance. It's not just a Brontë/Shelley fest, which is really exciting. Frankenstein is included, which is fine, but I love that she's exploring modern treatments of the gothic and multiple formats, not just The Novel. (Plus Carter is one of my favorite favorites, so, bonus!)

I didn't really make connections with my faculty in undergrad for many reasons, not the least of which was that I was undergoing a profound mental breakdown during most of that time and transferred between five schools before finally graduating) and my grades were not spectacular, so I need to make some now as well as get back into the swing of academic writing.( I got my teaching degree with a 4. 0GPA, though, so I have improved my study habits since undergrad, at least.) That's easier and much less expensive to do at the community college level than it is to do via the graduate non-degree/student-at-large method. I definitely can't afford to pay over a thousand dollars out of pocket to take one class! My GRE scores will be good--they were when I took it the first time, but that was too long ago to use them--I think, so I do stand a chance of getting into a not-super-elite program.  My big dream is to teach community college English anyway, so a terminal master's would be enough to get me there. I'm also certified to teach high school English and (next year) ESL, so I don't necessarily have to worry about making a living in the nightmare landscape of adjunct-land. I don't harbor any illusions about full-time tenure track faculty life--this is just something I've always wanted to pursue, and now I'm able to support myself no matter how it turns out, which makes me a little grateful, actually, that I took such a roundabout route.